Monday, August 27, 2012

If the Pant Fits...

After store-hopping for almost a week and looking through a thousand pairs of hideously bedazzled, awkwardly studded, and purposely shredded jeans (about which Billy said: “It looks like a cat scratched them!”), I have one question. What the hell is going on in the world of children’s fashion? When it comes to adults, I’m used to seeing clothes that only fit either the skin-and-bones models, whose breasts double as M&Ms and their asses moonlight as cast-iron flat plates known as comals (so get your tortillas ready) or morbidly obese people, whose clothes are really made of bed sheets with busy patterns in order to distract the attention from what is hidden underneath.
But what about the children? To be more precise, what about girls who grew out the “girls” size but are not quite the “juniors” size either? Why is it so difficult to find a nice and comfortable pair of jeans that would fit the developing body of a tween like my daughter? After rummaging through hangers and shelves of all the stores at the malls and boutiques in various plazas, we came home with only three pairs of jeans that had a somewhat acceptable fit and appearance.
Finally, upon my sister-in-law’s advice, Viktoria and I decided that our last resort would be a visit to Wal-Mart. We haven’t been to that store in over a year, and I was reminded why. Not one employee speaks English, out of twenty-four cash registers only two are open, a woman from the PhotoStudio, located across from the registers, chases you through the isles to get you to take your children’s photos after shopping, and after you’ve purchased three items (dishwashing tabs, sponges, and Palmolive—no pants, of course, that would be wishful thinking), the cashier/bagger somehow manages to put them into seven different plastic bags! You know you won’t be seeing me at Wal-Mart for at least another year.
To conclude today’s conundrum, here’s a challenge to all those smarty pants (pun intended) on the reality shows like Project Runway or What Not to Wear or whatever other reality crap there is: come up with something into which the girls going through their “ugly stage” will fit and feel comfortable and pretty for at least one fucking day! It’s difficult enough to watch them struggle with their “new body" image, and to watch them struggle into pants only adds to the frustration. Now just imagine the improvement in their mood and self esteem if the pant fits...

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